Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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