They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
She's JV to your varsity
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
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