The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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