I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
