clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I smell like Dick and happiness
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
