there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
