I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
