Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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