I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
