we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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