Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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