your room smells of hookers.
And success
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize