Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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