How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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