my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
