You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
