RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's shark week go big or go home
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
