Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
