I need help removing her.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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