Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
