Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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