Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
