planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
