My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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