i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
