If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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