I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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