There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize