yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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