i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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