first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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