so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
