real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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