my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
