My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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