My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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