you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
