he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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