Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
