Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
pop tarts are not kleenex
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
