its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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