I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
