Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
