Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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