if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
please come you make the beer taste better
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
