I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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