And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
God I need to hump something, right now.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
