Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
