I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
