We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
