Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
