i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
