I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
