Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
