she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
