i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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