The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
