wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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