omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
