I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
