I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
