My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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