Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
