How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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