If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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