I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
