i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
