Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
it's like iHOP with fire
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
