Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
