My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
