my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She's the barista slut.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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