Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
