awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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