No awkward lesbian experiences without me
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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