All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have aggressive nipples.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
