Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
