the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
