I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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