she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
