When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
