i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
