Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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