Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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