I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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