And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
