What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
