It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
