rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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