there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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