So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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