whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's blow job season.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
