Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
