for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
