Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
