i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
