Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize