I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
