dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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