I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
