all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
