and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We are all done wearing pants today
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
