I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
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