she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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