I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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