Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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