You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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