so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
