YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
