This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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